A Sinner's Prayer

Milton Niles

One day, as I sat on my couch, an idea for a movie played over and over in my mind. It was so compelling, I knew I had to try and write it down on paper. I knew nothing about writing; actually, I never had any interest in it at all. I had only an eighth-grade education and knew nothing about punctuation or how to start writing anything. Still, the story was in my mind, so I wrote a few paragraphs to see how it looked. It didn’t look good to me at all.

A week later, the movie idea was still going through my mind. A very good friend stopped by, so I asked if he knew anything about writing a story. I knew he went to college and was a computer expert but as far as writing, I was unsure. Gary said he did not know much about writing but if I wanted him to, he would help me. Together, we began writing The Remaking of Earth.

Over the next three months, we wrote and wrote, but when we looked at it, it just did not seem right. Not having a computer or typewriter, it seemed very difficult to keep writing by hand. I managed to purchase a typewriter but not knowing how to type made it more difficult. I could not afford all the eraser ribbons and I was making more mistakes than you can imagine.

Just when everything seemed to be at a standstill, my brother showed up at my apartment and said he had a computer he would sell me for a hundred dollars. I told him I had no money to buy it. He asked if I had anything to trade for it. The only thing I had worth that much was my TV. So that’s what I did: I traded my TV for this computer.

Now, I knew nothing about computers either, but at least I would not have to worry about eraser ribbons. I called Gary and told him I had a computer so he came over to check it out. Lo and behold, it was not a computer but a word processing machine. However, we could at least write with it and it seemed to work well.

We completed four chapters when the machine quit working. Here we were at a dead stop again, but God seemed to have a plan and wanted this story written. You may ask how I knew it was God and not just my overactive mind. I will tell it just as I learned it some time ago.

I was raised in a very abusive family – not only physical abuse but mental and sexual as well. I grew up filled with hate and bitterness. I did everything the way I wanted and believe me it was horrible. I drank a lot, cursed and did whatever I saw fit to do. I worked at a diner and I was trustworthy but when I got out of work, I went straight to the bar. I would be in the bars until they closed, went home, slept for an hour and went to work.

I had my own apartment so it did not matter what time I came in or left. I did not have to answer to anyone and that was the way I wanted it. Through the next 30 years, I lived with women, married a couple of them but never really loved any of them. I had too much hate within me; besides, I knew nothing about love. Oh I know, this might sound like a horrible story but believe me, you will understand when I am done. God has a way of changing a person’s life and He sure did mine.

In 1977, I married someone just because I was told I could not do it. Right after I got married, this woman went home with me and never cleaned the house or anything. I ended up with roaches all over the place. I happened to be at a friend’s house one evening; I will call him James. He was a drunk just like me only, except that while I drank just to be noticed, he was an alcoholic. His wife, Donna, was cute and she was tired of the way she was being treated by James.

One night I went to James’s house but he had left for the weekend. One thing led to another and the next thing I knew his wife and I were making out. That did not bother me, so we started a relationship on the side. I was on worker’s compensation at the time, and after two or three weeks of this relationship, I happened to get a comp check for about $300. I went to the bar and began drinking. I was about as drunk as anyone could be when I went to James’s house and asked Donna if she wanted to get out of there. She said she did, so we took off and headed south. We ended up in Roanoke, Virginia where I got a job. We found an apartment right away and that was great, or so I thought.

After a few months, things changed. There was no more work and no money coming in. Things seemed to only get worse; the next thing I knew, we were being evicted. We had no food and I had already sold my car. The day came when we had to be out but just at that moment, the lady across the street asked me to give her a hand carrying out some garbage. I did. She asked why my stuff was on the street and I told her. She told me if I would take care of her place, she would give us an apartment, so I accepted.

She was a Christian lady and full of God’s love. I will call this lady Madelyn. Now, she went out and bought us all kinds of groceries and became a very close friend. Madelyn talked about God and how God loved me and all souls. She invited us to go with her to church one Sunday and I did out of respect for her. This was the beginning of my life being changed.

I had been baptized when I was about 15 into the Catholic faith but did not believe it at all. As a matter of fact, I used it to get out of the house and away from my parents at the time. But over the next year after meeting Madelyn, I became a new person. I started reading the Bible but for one reason or another, I just did not understand a thing. I wanted to understand but the understanding just kept eluding me. One day I happened to say a prayer and asked God for his Divine help. This is the prayer I said that day:

Eternal Father, thank You for the life You have given me. you know I am a wicked person and a sinner. I ask Your forgiveness for the transgressions I have committed against You. Forgive me for not loving You with all my heart, soul and mind. For taking Your Holy name in vain. For not keeping the Sabbath holy. For not honoring my father and mother. For having worshipped graven images, such as TV, money and other things of this world. For having committed adultery and fornication. For the things I have stolen. For the lies I have spoken to my fellow man. For coveting my neighbor’s property. I beg Your forgiveness.

I also ask, Heavenly Father, that You allow Your Holy Spirit to come upon me that I might understand Your Scriptures. I pray for truth in my life, not man’s truth but Yours, Dear Lord. I ask these things in the name of Your only begotten Son, Jesus Christ. Amen.

I was about as astonished as can be – I received an answer instantly. I began to understand things as never before.

The same year, I was called back home where my father lay dying in the hospital. Returning to upstate New York was difficult but needed to be done. Dad passed away and I returned to Virginia. It was just one year after my dad died that I received a call telling me my sister had been killed in an accident. Needless to say, I packed all of our stuff and moved back to Pennsylvania. It was 1981. I got a job as a Security Guard. I tried going to church there but the people were so much different than what I expected.

Without fellowship, I seemed to lose what I had found. I fell flat on my face, so to speak. I did not give up entirely and still loved God. Though I stopped going to church, I still maintained my prayers. Life sure had brought me down to the pits and I knew I needed to get a hold on things. Evidently the time was not right for the Maker to mold me to His specifications, because in 1985, I became diagnosed with a degenerative bone disease in my spine. I had to go on Social Security Disability. After two bone graphs to my spine, I became depressed and grew very low in my faith in God. The next seven years were tough.

Now, back to where I started, about the story Gary and I were writing. I knew it was God, because He had allowed me to get to the lowest point of my life and knew my thoughts and my heart. He then started lifting me up from the very depths of depression.

Gary was offered a job in Tennessee and moved there, so the story got put on hold. I managed to get a real computer and started contacting Gary through the Internet. We started working on the book again. In the meantime, Donna and I were divorced in 1997 and in 1999 I remarried a wonderful girl, Diane, I had known for a long time. This was a love that could only come from God. Diane stood behind me on my writing and encouraged me like no tomorrow.

In 2002, Gary and I finished writing The Remaking Of Earth, but we were unable to get it published. A year later, however, I found a Print On Demand publishing company. For a nominal fee, they would put our book into print.

Now, this is all true and I know God is the true Author of our story, because we could never have done it on our own. I also know from within my own heart that I would never have tried writing or gone anywhere in my faith had it not been for our Heavenly Father loving me and guiding me all the way. It was God who showed Me what love was and how I belonged to Him.

I tell you, my friends, if you are lost and have not found peace in your life then call on God, your Heavenly Father. Prayer is the most powerful tool we have today. Believe me, I know. My whole life changed because of prayer. I have been one of the worst sinners in the world. If God can love Me and prayers can help me, then I know it will also work for you. God loves each and every one of you and so do I. Just remember, Love is the foundation of all life and Prayer is the most powerful tool we have.

© 2006 by Milton Niles